Updated: May 25
My mom and I walked into a co-worker’s wedding reception, and I saw him. Immediately these words burst from within my Spirit… “I am going to marry that guy!” Then I gasped… shocked by what I had said. My mom immediately whipped her head around at the unexpected, probably absurd statement I had made.
And she quickly retorted, “WHO?!!”
I quickly stated …this time a little more quietly, “I don’t know… that guy there in the grey suit.”
To which my mom again with a lot of question in her voice said, “Who, Tom??? Tom from Parts?”
I then said, “Mom, I don’t know his name. I only know that I am going to marry him.”
Well, that was not how I thought that night would begin. But it was God’s plan.
That night he and I talked, we ate together, and then we danced. I knew!
Well, it was God! Within a month he mentioned marrying me…. then we were engaged in two months… I know it was fast! We saved for a wedding and were married the following year.
We are about to CELEBRATE our 34th wedding anniversary. What!?!
I remember in those early years when couples would say that they were married for over 20 years… I would gasp and ask them their secret. Twenty years seemed to be an amazing landmark… and it is!
Now that we have been married for thirty-four years, I wondered if there was a “tip” or tool I could share with you.
I decided to share a TEACHING that can help EVERYONE, whether you are married or not. Learning this can help us in all of our relationships.
Unfortunately, I HAD TO LEARN THIS LESSON THE HARD WAY!
It was probably about 15 years into our marriage, when a disagreement was becoming more intense. A negative statement came into my heart and mind, and I felt God prompt my heart, if you say that … you will invite anger in.
I heard God clearly, BUT I disregarded what He said… And I did it… I said that destructive statement.
When I saw the effects of my words, I immediately apologized. Then I ran to God and asked Him to forgive me and to teach me how to undo what I had just done.
Here is the scripture that God used to teach me.
Galatians 6:7–9 (NIV) (I added bolding)
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
God taught us that whether we were sowing good seed or negative, we would reap a harvest from those seeds. We took that to heart and decided beforehand HOW we wanted to respond.
But WHEN WE MESSED UP and said a harsh word or got frustrated:
We recognized it.
We immediately stopped.
We pulled that negative seed out by repenting quickly before it took root.
We tilled the soil by apologizing.
We rekindled the relationship by reaching out to the other.
We chose to plant good seeds by humbling ourselves to love in that moment.
God led us through that destructive mess, and we were both thankful. BUT We realized we had to handle disagreements differently. We also recognized how much power is in our words!!
We are still careful to choose wisely
because we know that both kinds of seeds are always available.
Good News: WE CAN BE INTENTIONAL in all of OUR RELATIONSHIPS.
We can WEIGH IT BEFORE we SAY IT!
Thanks for celebrating with us!
P.S. Tom’s favorite marriage book is: LOVE & RESPECT. My favorite marriage book is: HOW WE LOVE.
Do YOU have a favorite book that made a difference in your life? LET ME KNOW!